THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts for the love and support you have shown us over the last 3 years. We can't imagine walking this path without the love and prayers that have been poured over our family. We are so grateful for the role you have already played in Gracie's life!
We saw an excellent letter issued by one adoptive family to their family and friends explaining the bonding process their child would be going through when he came home. We've taken that letter and adapted it to our situation because we feel it's so important for you to see what we will be processing through as a family, and also give you an idea of how you can be praying!
"As we prepare for Gracie's arrival, we've learned that her emotional health is of the utmost importance. In her short life, our daughter will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes will be for her. While she may not consciously remember all of the events, she will still experience immense loss of a birth mother. She will also soon be experiencing the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells and language of her birth country. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs.
We have prepared to meet her emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and will always keep her safe. We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have been advised that is is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different with every child. We will follow her lead and trust God's leading as well.
We have all been waiting anxiously for Gracie to arrive but she has not been waiting for us. She may show grief and confusion in many ways and we are trying to prepare ourselves to help her through it and prove that we are her forever family. We are actually praying that she will grieve when we first receive her, because that means she has attached to someone before us, and has the ability to attach to someone again. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, and we thank you in advance for your support and understanding!"
We love you all!
I can't stress enough how important that letter is. I hope that all your family and friends read it and take it to heart. Attachment is so foreign to those who aren't educated about it. It is vital to Gracie that you always have HER best interests in mind....even if it offends others (unfortunately).
ReplyDeletePraying!!
Very well written! I would even suggest keeping a copy in your purse. We had situations at church, ballgames, school etc...where it was difficult to explain why we were doing what we were doing. I wish I'd had a letter for people to read because they DO ask questions!
ReplyDeleteGracie is very fortunate to have parents who already understand what her needs will be.
~Lynn
My friend, you are so wise to put this out there and help us all love you guys and Gracie in the way she needs.
ReplyDeleteWe will be praying that God will heal her in her inmost places, and that the attachment bond will be forged strongly, and that all who love you will do all we can to suuport you.
Blessings friend!
I have been reading your blog for awhile and have really enjoyed hearing about your adoption process. My husband and I adopted our little girl a year ago in June. We fostered her for about six months before the adoption process was finalized. My first son was born on Oct. 15th and LaMiracle was placed with us on November 2nd of the same year. We all had some major adjusting to do. Our situation is a little different because Miracle was already 3 years old. However, she went through the same emotional stresses. Just to ease your mind a little bit, I think God is preparing little Gracie just as He is preparing you. I was so worried about Miracles adjustment with a new baby in the house, but somehow God helped us all through it. She adjusted better than any of us would have thought...and that was only due to our faith in God. He will do the same for you...I have read your story and know that He has shown himself faithful to you in more ways than one throughout this process. He will continue to do so. Praise God that you are getting your little Gracie over independence day...this will be such a special time for her in the years to come! After all, she is getting her freedom from foster care and is being given a wonderful family to love her forever!! I hope this did not offend you in any way...I just wanted to let you know that I am out here in your blog world keeping up with you and praying for your adoption to go as smoothly as possible!
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteI sent this same letter to our family! As my sister sent it to all of us when they adopted 2 years ago. I think it is so helpful and really gave me great insight when my niece came home. I"m looking forward to meeting you in China....soon...very soon : )
Shannon
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI just had time to check your blog. Gracie is a sweetheart!! I know you are so excited about meeting her, and we are excited about following along with your blog. We will be praying specifically for Gracie's attachment to your family and for things to go smoothly in the transition.
Zachary wants Quinn to know that he says hi and thinks going to China for a sister is pretty cool! He did ask why Quinn was getting another sister when he already had two! :)
Nancy