Monday, May 12, 2014

I don't know how...

as Mother's Day approached I kept asking myself,
"how am I supposed to do this?
how am I supposed to feel? 
how do I celebrate this first one without my Mom?"

truthfully, walking through that  
Hallmark card section was tough. 
picturing that traditional
 "moms-get-a-rose-at-church-service" was tough.

grace. grace. grace.
the weekend I semi dreaded was full of grace.
my amazing husband arranged for our family
to spend the weekend in Tennessee.
no phones.
no tv.
no computer.
we had one God-moment after another.
we laughed. a lot.
we played. a lot.
we rested. a lot.
the Father met me in my deep places
of grief too. He's so tender.

I saw my Mom too - 

in Alison, whose quick wit can  
make me laugh like no other.
in Erin, whose uncanny sensitivity catches me off
guard & makes me feel so loved & seen.
in Quinn,  who loves drama, of any kind.
and in Gracie, who is so generous
with her affection.

Mother's Day was different this year.
the first one without my precious Mom 
was cushioned with good memories,
a kind husband who has faithfully walked some tough
 places with me over the last nine months,
and my little treasures who made me a Mom myself.

Isaiah 40:11
"He tends His flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in His arms
and carries them close to His heart;
He gently leads those that have young."